Mind Over Matter: Interrogation Scene
by PsychoSweetHeart
Summary: Oneshot on Joker's thoughts during the Inerrogation Scene in The Dark Knight! Similar to one I did a while ago. Rated 'T' for swears, mild slashy elements, innuendo and general Joker behaviour! Enjoy!


**Mind Over Matter:**

**Joker Interrogation Scene**

**If you liked the last one you'll LOVE this one! Enjoy! XD**

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_Yes, I know you're watching me through that one way glass, even if I can't see you. Ooh! It's Gordy here to get his answers._

"Ee-ve-ning, Com-mis-sion-er." _So many syllables. Hehe! Damn I wish I could grow a moustache like that. But that would ruin my beautiful looks. Hahahahaha! Oh god, I couldn't think that with a straight face! Me with a moustache? Don't be ridiculous Joker!_

"Harvey Dent never made it home." _Does he think I don't know that? Simpleton. _

"Of course not."

"What have you done with him?"_ He doesn't have proof it was me as I had already been brought here. Ha! Your evidence is bullshit! Haha!_

"Me? I was right here." _See look ya got me in handcuffs, bitch. _"Who did you leave him with? Hm? Your people? Assuming of course they are still your people… and not… Maroniiiii's." _Yeah, you seriously cannot run this town without Batman. Oh, Batsy. 'Twinkle, twinkle little Bat. How I wonder if I could tap that?' Yeah I should be a song writer. _

_Oh Gordy, you look so sad! I want to cut a nice smile into your face. I prefer it when people smile._

"Does it depress you Commissioner… to know just how alone you really are…? Does it make you feel responsible for Harvey Dent's current pre-dic-a-ment?" _Ha! I said 'dick'! _

"Where is he?" _Ooh! Snappy!_

"What's the time?"

"What difference does that make?"

"Well, depending on the time, he may be in one spot or several." _If you get what I mean…? I wish I could be there to see it. Wait, what's he doing? Hmm…?_

"If we're gonna play games…" _He's uncuffing me! Oh my god! This should make the whole situation a lot easier. _"… I'm gonna need a cup of coffee." _Mr. Good Cop, eh? Wonder who the bad cop is… Or maybe he's playing both? Like a D.I.D patient… Like dear Dr. Jonathan Crane…_

"Ah, the 'good-cop-bad-cop' routine?"

"Not exactly…" _What the hell does that mean? Where's he going? God dammit! Can I at least get some light in here? Oh, would ya look at that… Ha! It's like they can read my mind! Oh shit! I hope they can't otherwise- AH! What the fuck? _

_Oh look my Batsy came for me! But ow… doesn't he know the first rules about fighting?_

"Never start with the head, the victim gets all…" _Crap, what's the word? _"…fuzzy. He can't feel the next…"_ Hang on I'm confused. Did he just hit me or not? I'm gonna go with… yes he did hit me._

"See?"

"You wanted me, here I am." _Damn I want you bat-brains. God anyone would think I'm gay if they could read my mind right now. To be honest who gives a fuck if I am? (I certainly don't!) My sexuality is none of their business! … That was a little deep for me! _

"I wanted to see what you'd do… and you didn't disappoint. You let five people die! Then you let Dent take your place." _This guy is a legend. He's nearly as bad as me! __**Nearly!**__... But not quite. _"Even to a guy like me that's cold."

"Where's Dent?" _Why is everyone so concerned about that whiney dickhead? They should be glad I'm blowing him up… That could've come out little less gay… that could've too…_

"Those mob-fools want you gone so they can get back to the way things were…" _Damn right their fools! Who would want to get rid of Batsy!? _"But I know the truth… there's no going back. You've changed things…**forever**."

"Then why d'you wanna kill me?" _Kill him!? I would never kill Batsy! He's far too precious. _

"Hahahahahaha! I don't wanna kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to rippin' off mob dealers? No, no, **no**. No, You. Complete. Me!" _Haha! That's what the Joker from the cartoon series 'The Batman' said to Batman… Oh shit! The fourth wall! It's a good thing I never said that out loud! It would've ruined the entire film… __**Fuck! **__I did it again! Sorry! Oh wait, I'm the only one here. Haha!_

"You're garbage who kills for money." _How dare you Batman! How. Dare. You. Me- Garbage? I'm tellin' ya these clothes weren't cheap if you think they can from a dumpster!_

"Don't talk like one of them… your not! Even if you'd like to be. See to them you're just a freak…" _No one realises how amazing you are Batsy! No one but me! Which is why we're so similar… _"Like me. They need you right now, but when they don't they'll cast you out… like a leper. Y'see their morals their code… it's a bad joke…" _And I can spot a bad joke from a mile away._ "…Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you, when the chips are down, these, uh, these civilised people…" _If you can call them that. _"They'll eat each other. See I'm not a monster…" _Some people just can't get past the scars and face-paint… _"… I'm just 'ahead of the curve'." _Whoa, dude! Calm down. Anyone would think I'd called your mum fat and your mum had been shot to death in front of you by a mugger in an alleyway… like Bruce Wayne's parents were. _

"Where is Dent?" _Will you shut up about bloody Harvey Dent! Let me finish, god dammit! _

"You have all these rules and you think they'll save you." _Ooh, gettin' a little feisty their Batsy. _

"I have one rule…" _I don't care about your rules Batman…_

"Oh, then that's the rule you'll have to break to know the truth…"

"Which is…?"

"The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules… and tonight you're gonna break your one rule!" _I'm actually very happy with that impression. _

"I'm considering it." _I'm hurt Batsy, really I am! I thought you and me had something special! _

"There's only minutes left, you're gonna have to play my little game if ya wanna save one of them…"_ Do I really need to say who 'them' are? They're both a little annoying and they're both gonna die!_

"Them…?" _Aww is Batsy scared?_

"Y'know for a while there, I thought ya really were Dent… the way you threw yourself after her." _Oh shit! Damn this guy's strong! But that only tickles. Hey, where's he going? Oh he's just shutting both of us in here… Crap now I'm in for it. _"Look at you go!"_ Oh god my back, let's just realign that… there. _"Does Harvey know about you and his little bunny?"

_God, what is he expecting to get from slamming my face into things? Maybe he should slam… NO! No time for those thoughts now!_

"Where are they!?" _Who gives a crap?_

"Killing is making a choice…" _Wow, I've really pissed this guy off whoever it is under that mask. But sticks and stones will break my bones but fists and feet just bruise me… that couldn't've come out any gayer could it? _

"WHERE ARE THEY!?"

"Choose between one life or the other… your friend the district attorney, or his blushing-bride-to-be." _Wait, are they even engaged? Meh, who cares? Well, Batsy for one his just keeps getting more and more pissed off and I can't help but find it hilarious! _

"You have nothing to threaten me with, nothing to do with all your strength." _Oh shit. Yeah, that pissed him off too. Better tell him… although I could mix things up a bit… might get interesting! Heheh. _"Don't worry! I'm gonna tell you where they are, both of them… and that's the point. You'll have to choose. He's at 250-52nd street. And she's, uh, on Avenue X, at Cicero." _Bit heavy handed there aren't you? Right, good. He's gone I'll just wait 'til they've all gone before getting out. I won't be going to Arkham just yet… actually I'm never going to Arkham! Christ, how long am I gonna be waiting? I'm so impatient. 'I'm so impatient, you got me waiting.' Haha, Blood on the Dance Floor. Love that band even though they're a little um… vulgar._

_Oh look here's Detective Stephens to watch over me. This is gonna be easier than I thought. I mean why would you leave me in a room with broken glass with a single guy?_

"I want my phone call. I want it. I want my phone call." _See just being nice. I can be nice… very occasionally. _

"That's nice." _I hate you so much right now. I try and be nice and this is what I get? I haven't even threatened your life… yet. Okay, let's try this another way. _

"How many of your friends have I killed?" _Heheh, this should be interesting. _

"I'm a twenty year man. I can tell the difference between the punks who need a little lesson in manners, and the freaks like you who just enjoy it…" _Yeah, I know I'm a freak but what the hell are you going on about, man? _"… and you killed six of my friends."

"Six!?" _Wow, I've killed way more than that in this amount of time before. I'm slacking. Now where am I meant to go wit this? Hmm… Ooh! I know!_

"You wanna know why I use a knife?" _Well, reply then? Fine I take it you do. Ahem…_

"Guns are too quick. You can't savour all the little…" _Uh, what are those things that people feel…? Oh yeah! _"…Emotions…" _He seems unresponsive. _"Y'see in their last moments, people show you who they really are. Soooo in a way, I knew your friends better than you ever did!" _He's nearly snapped, just one last push ought to do it… _"Would you like to know which of them were cowards?" _He smirking? Yeah, he's broken. Whoa, no need to strip there buddy! Oohh, He looks pissed._

_I wonder if the guys looking after the holding cells have found my fat-guy bomb yet? I wonder what they think of it if the have! Haha! _

"I know you're gonna enjoy this…" _Well, you know me. I love a little rough and tumble… _"… I'm gonna have to try and enjoy it even more." _Uh, what does that mean? Hey, didn't your mother ever tell you not to hit clowns? They've always got tricks up their sleeves! And mine is the glass in the window. Oh Batsy, you always give me loop-holes._

_Okay, let's get outta here. Hey whoa, no! You try and stop me, I'm gonna cut this guy! Ya hear me? I gonna bleed dis bitch blud! Ya get me? I'm gonna shank his ass up! … Um… Okay that sounded pretty gay! _

_Aha! One of these guys should have a phone on 'em. I'll ask. Oi! This way, Detective Stephens. _

"Whoa, whoa!"

"Take it easy! Drop the weapon now!" _Haha! Like that's gonna happen! Oh Christ, you're all yelling at once I can't understand a single word any of you are saying… Wait, I think that guy said something interesting…_

"What? Sorry?"

"What do you want!?" _Ha! Where do I begin? Better start small!_

"I just want my phone call." _See now, we wouldn't be in this position if Detective 'Know-It-All' here had just given me the phone call in the first place! _

"Alright…" _Yeah, okay. Now give me the phone! NOW! Good boy!_

_Okay, so what was this number? Ah, yes!_

_Three… Two… One… KABOOM! Hahahahaha! Oh come on! Are you guys seriously telling me that you didn't manage to stay up during that blast? God, you all suck! I'm goin' to get myself a car outta here and probably some tiramisu. Yeah, I could really go for some of that at the moment! …Or cheesecake? Never had that Millionaire's Cheesecake though… I bet that's what Brucey-boy eats all the time, haha! That was an awful joke… Oh wait, where's that Lau guy? He should be a fun toy! I wonder what he'd smell like if I burnt him alive… or what noise he'd make! _

_That's pretty sick! But it's me so what d'you expect? _

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**Okay, so I know this is the first time I've posted anything on here in... AGES but I still go to school and that is so much crap! I promise to update the Q&A soon and my other major thing! If you are reading any of them! If you're not... meh, don't worry about it! I'm really sorry I've been neglecting everything! DX Hugs and Kisses! xxxxxx**


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